Everyday it's something.

Speaking of ups and downs… today is a down day.

Part of the reason I’ve felt terrible these days is the fact that I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing. It feels like everybody in my life is getting somewhere or the things they’ve done in the past have led up to their most recent successes. I spent the last two years of my life in a dead end job. I exited with the same title as I had when I started. Meanwhile, my peers have had promotions, upgraded to new jobs, gained salary increases, and now have fancy schmancy titles: Art Director, Senior Designer, Lead Media Coordinator, Associate Big Shot. 

Even my boyfriend is getting ahead. Last year he was in the same position as me but just by luck and knowing the right person he is doing something he loves and is a co-producer in a great project. It’s so easy for me to sit at home, go on Facebook, and be jealous of everyone in my life. It’s also been so hard to sit with a friend, hear about their new success, and try not to be selfish and think of myself.

I’m not saying that the people in my life aren’t hardworking or don’t deserve it, but I feel pretty worn down. I’ve been waiting for my chance to get ahead. I’ve taken risks, worked fucking hard, and nothing has really worked out in the past. I’m just doing enough to keep afloat. 

Yes, this is self pity. I have to remind myself every day when I wake that I’m still young, and the things that I am doing will lead to my future success. Waiting is the hardest, but something good will happen, and the only way I will fail is if I stop. I need to keep moving, recognize these moments, and move the fuck on.